i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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