Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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