so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize