Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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