Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
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