I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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