so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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