Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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