So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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