he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
