dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
