I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
