i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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