i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
