You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
