One girl and one boy is just not enough.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
