i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
