Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
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I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
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I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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