tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
