I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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