What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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