I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
