hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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