i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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