Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
