Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
