you guys were way drunker than both of me
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
