don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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