you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
