And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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