Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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