take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
