i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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