I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
