Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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