Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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