I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
