Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
