i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
