he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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