Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
