I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
