If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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