As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
