He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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