I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
