I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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