can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
