There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
There r osticjed everywhere
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
