Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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