I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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