I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
