somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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