What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
