The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
