His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
