Someone shit on the floor
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
