Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
