so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
