To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
