I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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