rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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