i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
