a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Randomize
