Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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