I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
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Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
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Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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