honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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