What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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