Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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