I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I am naked and annoyed.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize