Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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