Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I cockslap morals
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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