He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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