We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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