im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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