PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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