I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
