Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
