i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You're like the curious george of whores
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
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