I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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