i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
