The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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