Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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