I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
