Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
