batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
